a broken mop

Ms Gina composed this message for me regarding my broken mop. I certainly do love my sister! Enjoy:



Dear Mop Makers:



I am writing to lodge a complaint concerning your “super absorbent sponge floor mop”. I recently purchased it and took very good care of it, only occasionally beating back the rogue ninjas that routinely try to overtake my porch and steal my garden gnomes. I found it rather proficient at both repelling intruders and then mopping up the blood from said miscreants when all was said and done. I was, in a word, pleased.



Imagine my surprise, nay DISMAY, when the handle recently broke into splintered halves when I was engaging my husband in some very laid back quarter-staff fighting exercises. It BROKE!

Now, if I had spent a little less money, I would not be taking the time to write you and ask for a replacement. Let’s face it, though.

We’re in a recession and every little bit counts, and everyone is required to multitask. I, for instance, bring home the (fakin) bacon, AND I fry it up in a pan. I expected your mop to operate with the same resilience and multiple purposes that I find myself required to do. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR?



Ahem.



If you do not send me a suitable replacement, I will be forced to give your corporate address to the ninjas and tell them that you have a giant stash of superior garden gnomes and an excellent porch.



Regards,